How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb ??

Afghan:
Light bulb? What light bulb?

Australian Shepherd
Put all the bulbs in a little circle ...

Beagle:
Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I ate was a light bulb?

Border Collie:
Just one? And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Chihuahua
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Dachshund:
I can't reach the stupid lamp!

Doberman Pinscher:
While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

Greyhound
It isn't moving. Who cares?

Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

Hound Dog
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Irish Wolfhound
Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover.

Labrador:
Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!!! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Mastiff:
Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Malamute:
Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Pointer
I see it! There it is! Right there!

Rottweiller:
Go Ahead! Make me!

Shitzu:
Puh-leeez, dahling. I have servants for that kind of thing.

Toy Poodle:
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Cat:
You need light to see?

Pet Peeves from the dog's perspective:

1. Blaming your farts on me...not funny...not funny at all.

2. Yelling at me for barking...I AM A DOG!!

3. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat spit?!!

4. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

5. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose.....stop it.

6. Yelling at me for rubbing my bum on your carpet. Why'd you buy carpet?

7. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that firm handshake thing yet.

8. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello...have you noticed the fur?

10. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

11. When you pick up the poop in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?

12. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip," then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.

13. The sleight of hand, fake-fetch-throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

The Top 20 Reasons Why Dogs Don't Use Computers

-- Source: David Letterman Show

20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows XP.
19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that JPEG Frisbee.
12. Not at all fooled by Dogmore Screen Saver.
11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.
10. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

And the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers...

1. TrO{gO HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,.

You have a kiddie wading pool in the yard, but no small children.

Lintwheels are on your shopping list every week.

You have baby gates permanently installed at strategic places around the house, but no babies.

The trash basket is more or less permanently installed in the kitchen sink, to keep the dog out of it while you're at work.

You refer to yourselves as Mommy and Daddy.

Your dog sleeps with you. 

Poop has become a source of conversation for you and your significant other.

You can't see out the passenger side of the windshield because there are nose-prints all over the inside.

You have 32 different names for your dog. Most make no sense, but she understands.

Your dog eats cat poop, but you still let her kiss you (but not immediately afterward, of course).

You like people who like your dog. You despise people who don't.

You carry dog biscuits in your purse or pocket at all times.

You talk about your dog the way other people talk about their kid.

You sign and send birthday/anniversary/Christmas cards from your dog.

You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog can be comfortable.

You'd rather stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your dog than go to the movies with your sweetie.

You go to the pet supply store every Saturday because it's one of the very few places that lets you bring your dog inside, and your dog loves to go with you.

You open your purse, and that big bunch of baggies you use for pick-ups pops out.

You get an extra-long hose on your shower-massage just so you can use it to wash your dog in the tub, without making the dog sit hip-deep in water.

You and the dog come down with something like flu on the same day.

Your dog sees the vet while you settle for an over-the-counter remedy from the drugstore.

Your dog is getting old and arthritic, so you go buy lumber and build her a small staircase so she can climb onto the bed by herself.

Your license plate or license plate frame mentions your dog.

You don't think it's the least bit strange to stand in the back yard chirping "Meg, pee!" over and over again, while Meg tends to play and forget what she's out there for (but what your neighbors think of your behavior is yet another story).

You match your furniture/carpet/clothes to your dog.

You have your dog's picture on your office desk (but no one else's).

You lecture people on responsible dog ownership every chance you get.

You skip breakfast so you can walk your dog in the morning before work.

You are the only idiot walking in the pouring rain because your dog needs her walk.

You don't go to happy hours with co-workers any more because you need to go home and see your dog.

Your friend's dog acts as Best Dog at your wedding.

Your weekend activities are planned around taking your dog for a hike (both days).

You keep an extra water dish in your second-floor bedroom, in case your dog gets thirsty at night (after all, her other dish is way down on the first floor...).

Your freezer contains more dog bones than anything else.

You never completely finish a piece of steak or chicken (so your dog gets a taste, too).

You shovel a zigzag path in the back yard snow so your dog can reach all her favorite spots.

You avoid vacuuming the house as long as possible because your dog is afraid of the vacuum cleaner.

You keep eating even after finding a dog hair in your pasta.

You make popcorn just to play catch with your dog.

You carry pictures of your dog in your wallet instead of pictures ofyour parents, siblings, significant other, or anyone else remotely human.

Your dog is the star of your World Wide Web site!

Your parents refer to your pet as their granddog.

You hang around the dog section of your local bookstore.

Your jewelry box contains no jewels... just those fasteners from vari-kennels.

Every time you read the name Bob, you think the guy's first name is Best of Breed.

Your house isn't carpeted--the fuzzy furballs under your feet are soft enough...

Your hungry hubby comes home from work, lifts the cover of the pan on the stove and says, "Is this people food or dog food?"

Your hungry hubby once ate the dog food and asked for seconds.

You don't give a second thought to using the brush you just used on your dog to give a quick run through on your own hair.

At your dinner parties, you always double check the butter before putting it on the table.

You put important papers in your latest issue of your breed magazine you know you will find them there.

You have dog hair stuck on tape on wrapped gifts.

You have dog toys and treats in your briefcase.

You have several albums filled with the 8 by 10 pictures of your dogs but you can't locate any pictures of your kids to send tograndma.

You show up at the car dealers with a ruler, to measure and see if your big dog crate will fit. Before the actual purchase you make the dealer cringe by insisting that you load both crates and dog into the shinny, new vehicle to make sure it works!

You can't get the groceries in the car because its
A) already full of dog food
B) you have that big old crate in there.

You visit relatives only if there is a dog show nearby.

You remove all the seats from the van except the two in thefront so you have room for crates...

The passenger seat is full of dog stuff.

You cringe at the price of food in the grocery store but think nothing of the cost of dog food or treats.

You have six squeaky hedgehogs... but only 1 with a squeaky that works.

You put popcorn in the clean dog dish for movie night.

You pull out your credit card and little bits of liver are stuckto it...

When you get your latest roll of film and there isn't a singlepicture of a two-legged person in it...

People at work have stopped offering you their lint brushes; they realize it is a hopeless case.

New Dog Breeds

Collie + Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

Spitz + Chow Chow
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot

Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Malamute + Pointer
Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

Terrier + Bulldog
Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly

Collie + Malamute
Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier
Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

Bull Terrier x Shitzu = Bullshitz, a gregarious but unreliable breed

The best piece of advice I have ever given

any puppy owner is to get a

newspaper, roll it up very tight, secure it

with a rubber band and leave

it on the coffee table.

Then when the puppy piddles in the house,

chews up a slipper, or does

anything it is not supposed to do:

Simply take the newspaper and bang it on

the top of your head very

hard while repeating

"I should have been watching my puppy"

"I should have been watching my puppy"

"I should have been watching my puppy"

 Dear Bill Gates,

Recently I purchased and installed Beagle 1.0. I soon noticed that this

program appears to have numerous glitches. For instance, every time my

computer boots up, I have to run Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1.

Many times I've been in the middle of writing an important document and

a window will flash telling me to run Take for Walk 2.0.

This program also contained applications I did not wish to install, such

as Pooper Scooper 8.5, and Flying dogs 9.4.

 Applications such as Vacation 2.7 and Free Time 10.1 can no longer run,

crashing whenever selected. Possibly the worst is that Beagle 1.0 has

attached itself to programs like Finance Manager and MS Money, with

folders added such as "Entry Fees" and "Puppy Toys".

Periodically, I'll get a reminder telling me to send a check to the

manufacturer of beagle 1.0 for the aforementioned items.

I have tried to uninstall Beagle 1.0 numerous times but when I try to

run the uninstall program, I get warning messages telling me that a

deadly virus known as "Dog Show Withdrawal" will infect my system.

Please Help!!!!!

THE REPLY:

Dear User,

Your complaint is not unusual. A common misconception among users is

that Beagle 1.0 is a mere "utilities and entertainment program." It is

not- it is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is

designed by its' creator to run everything! A warning will soon be

imprinted on the box.

Since you have already installed Beagle 1.0, here are a few tips on how

to make it run better. If you are annoyed by the applications Feed 5.3

and Water 7.1, you may run C:\HIRE HELP, however this will cause another

folder to be added to financial applications, labeled "Staff". Failure

to send payment to "Staff" will result in Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1 being

run again on startup.

A note of caution: NOT booting up your computer for several days isn't

the solution to avoiding Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1. You will find that,

when you boot up your computer again, a nasty virus called "Barking and

Howling 4.2" will have attached itself to important documents and the

only way to rid your computer of "Barking and Howling 4.2" is by

purchasing and installing "Vet 10.1", which we admit is extremely

expensive but crucial. Otherwise, "Barking and Howling 4.2" will cause

irreversible damage to the operating system.

Finally, it is important that you run C:\Milk Bones and C:\Tummy Rubs

on a fairly regular basis to keep the application running smoothly. If

you have any more questions, please call our toll free number.

 Sincerely,

Tech Support

10. There's potpourri hanging from his/her collar.

 9. The dog's nails have been cut with pinking shears.

 8. The dog toys are all stored in McCoy crocks.

 7. The pooper scooper has been decorated with raffia.

 6. That telltale lemon slice in the new silver water bowl.

 5. You find liver and whole wheat dog treats stamped out with copper cookie cutters and decorated with royal icing using a #2 rosette tip.

 4. Dog hair has been collected and put into wire baskets for nesting material for the birds.

 3. A seasonally appropriate grapevine wreath adorns the front of your dog's crate.

 2. Your dog goes outside naked and comes in wearing a thyme colored virgin wool hand knitted sweater with matching boots.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY YOU KNOW THAT MARTHA STEWART IS STALKING YOUR DOG IS...

 1. The dog droppings in your backyard have been sculpted into swans.

How to Photograph Your Puppy

Remove film from box and load camera.

Remove film box from puppy's month and throw in trash.

Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.

Choose a suitable background for photo.

Mount camera on tripod, check flash and focus.

Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.

Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.

Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.

Focus with one hand while fending off puppy with other hand.

Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.

Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.

Put magazines back on coffee table.

Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.

Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.

Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say- "No, no outside!"

Call spouse to help clean up the mess.

Fix a drink.

Sit back in chair, put your feet up, sip your drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning

DOG PROPERTY LAWS                                    

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If it's broken, it's yours.

Dog Show Dictionary

Angulation-Degree to which dog handlers will bend over
backwards to impress judges.

Balance-
(a) How to arrange the checkbook so your
husband won't know how much money you spent
on dog shows last month. Usually done in the
bathroom with the door locked;
(b) Ability to hold coffee, danish, leash, treats and entry
form all at once.

Bitch-
(a) Name for a lady dog;
(b) Name often heard at dog shows, not always to describe
a lady dog.

Blind Retrieve-When you can't see the toy under the
furniture.

CGC-Canine Gastrointestinal Catastrophe {aka GAS}

Coat-The hairy covering of a dog that usually falls out
about one week before the Specialty show.

Crabbing-What you do when the judge doesn't like way
your dog moves.

Dam-
(a) lady dog with children;
(b) expression frequently overheard at dog shows as losers
leave the ring.

Distemper-Shown by those hot-headed competitors.

Dog-To chase a judge from show to show in an effort to
attain more breed wins.

Double Bind-Finding two toys under the furniture.

Elbow-Method  of getting to ringside when late.

Expression-"Sweet" look adopted by dogs while
staring ravenously at chunks of liver.

Fancier-Degree to which some gentlemen
handlers dress more than others.

Feathering-What winners are accused of doing to judges'
nests.

FlyBall-Neutering.

Force Fetch-Dog drops the toy under furniture, scratches
at the carpet until you're forced to "fetch" it.

Front-Part of the dog often stacked toward the outside
of the ring.

Guard Hair-An activity in which one watches intently as
the dog's hair falls out, in clumps, just after entries are
mailed.

Heel-
(a) what you feel like when your dog beats the one you had
just sold to an eager novice;
(b) expression often screamed to attract the attention of
deaf dogs.

Height-As in "Maximum Allowed," a measurement which all
champions fall under by AT LEAST 1/8 of an inch.

Hock-A way of financing your dog shows by the use of
jewelry such as wedding rings.

Kennel-Where you go when the kids fight and your husband
yells at you.

Litter-Trash left all over the building and parking lot
after a dog show.

Mask-What to wear when you have to show the pet you
sold six months ago.

Multi-Generational Pedigree-Something you
should have read first.

Muzzle-What to put on your kids at a dog show
to prevent them from calling your competition
what they overheard you call him last night.

Noseprints-Cute marks left all over your French doors.

Outcrossing-What your husband tells the minister you are
doing out in the kennel with the dog and the bitch.

Overshot-Running so fast as to pass the 1st place ring
marker and plow into the judge and the stewards.

Pedigree-Dog food with lots of great coupons.

Points-Minute, invisible awards for winning which you
cannot convince your spouse are more important than cash
prizes.

Puppies-Small, dog like food-processing machines with the
ability to stink up an entire house and collectively deafen
a band of magpies. (These creatures have not yet been
perfected, as they come with leaky systems, and can also
be dangerous to weak hearts and bank accounts.)

Qualifying Score-Justifying the 170.5 you got in
obedience today.

Ribbons-What you want to cut the other exhibitors into,
after their pet wins.

Specialty-Whatever your dog is good at, like bringing
home dead cats or chewing on walls.

Type-What your dog has... if you turn down the lights and
squint a little.

Utility-The kind of vehicle you need to haul around your
dogs.

10. Thought the house was too orderly                                                  
  9. Never did like having a full nights sleep
  8. Wanted my Vet to get a new BMW
  7. Thought the furniture looked too nice
  6. Love the sounds of puppies in the morning, noon, afternoon, evening, midnight, pre-dawn, etc.
  5. Garden and backyard needed renovations, and didn't want to pay a gardener.
  4. Neighbors didn't complain enough
  3. Kids weren't enough of a challenge
  2. If you can train & show one dog, why not ten
  1. Wanted to see if spouse really meant those vows

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of hangers-on.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.

I will not roll my head around in other animals' poop.

I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead birds, seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator, dishwasher or trash can.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

I will not spend more than 5 minutes trying to find the "perfect" place to poop.

I will not eat other animals' poop.

I will not take off while on leash to chase squirrels while Mommy is standing on a slippery grass slope.

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal.

And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged  his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration.

Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other...

14. Invisibath -- The power to disappear at the first sound of bath water
13. ViseHump -- The leg hump grip of steel
12. AquaField -- Immunity to bucket of cold water when copulating in driveway
11. Skeetvision-- The ability to shoot laser beams from your eyes to blast that damn Frisbee out of the sky
10. SuperBladder -- Loaded with Toxi-Urine -- One lift of the leg and this town is mine!
  9. SquirrelFreeze
  8. AnalTelepathy/ButtSniffery -- Two powers which when combined allow one to smell another dog's butt without actually having to get up and move around.
  7. John-O-Matic -- Turns any toilet bowl into a punch bowl bysheer force of will.
  6. ChuckSpeed -- Ability to catch that friggin' Wagon Train.
  5. Anti-Psych-Out -- Immunity to all that "fake throw"nonsense.
  4. VacuCalm -- Utter self-control whenever the vacuum cleaner is turned on.
  3. GucciTract -- An invincible digestive system that sustains itself entirely on designer shoes.
  2. King Fido's Touch -- Everything you touch turns into crap

And the #1 Super Power Most Coveted by Dogs...

  1. DoberMorph -- Ability to change into a Doberman anytime someone rolls up a newspaper.

Dog Show People

...are a special breed not usually recognized by the AKC.

...think everyone has dog crates in their living room.

...have messy houses yet their kennels are spotless.

...can always find a show catalog from somewhere within arm's reach.

...have kids who know more about the "birds and the bees" when they're five than most people know when they are 40.

...drive trucks, vans, and station wagons especially equipped to haul dog crates.

...can never be reached on a weekend, they're usually at a dog show.

...will drive 400 miles, spend $100 on gas, $200 on a motel and $150 for meals to bring home a 35 cent ribbon.

...have kids who regard "bitch" as just another household word.

...have lush, green, beautiful back yards and they've never bought a bag of fertilizer.

...get up at 6 AM to walk the dogs, can be at ringside dressed to kill at 8 AM, but have trouble getting to work on time.

...will usually give up the $150,000 home in the suburbs to move to a shack on 10 acres so they can have a $150,000 kennel.

...never miss a closing date for entry fees, but pay the mortgage 10 days late.

...had rather be audited by the IRS than investigated by the AKC.

...use dog food bags for trash cans and 30 gallon trash cans for dog food.

...talk for hours on the phone to another dog person in a language known only to dog people.

...have parents who think they've lost their minds.

...have dog friends who think they are terrific.

...are crazy.

Humility

The Gates of Heaven were guarded by St. Peter. Four canine friends approached and stood waiting for permission to enter. They were asked for an account of themselves.

The poodle was first and, leaping forward proudly, he said, "I am the showman, winning many prizes for my beauty. See how fine I am? There was none better than I in my prime. I was my master's pride and joy." He demonstrated his fine show stance.

Next, the Labrador, black and glossy: "I am the Field Champion, keen for the gun, never missing a bird. I worked hard for my master."

Then the German Shepherd, keen and alert. "I guarded my masters, keeping them safe. No strange foot trod the paths without my permission. They feared not with me around."

"And you sir," said St Peter, "come forward to me. What of you?" The dog replied, "I am a Beagle—maybe not so good, I confess. I pursued the cat, fell to temptation, and stole food. I forgot to return to my masters' call, leaving them to worry, then showed my disapproval at being left alone by chewing their shoes. Oh, and there was also my bad habit of barking at the garbage collectors...."

"But what did you give them?" asked St. Peter.

"What did I give them? I gave them light in their eyes and laughter in their voices."

St. Peter opened the gates and waved the Beagle through.

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